What Keeps Me Living
by piercesbitch
Summary: Thirteen is dealing with the aftermath of finding our she has Huntington's. This is how she distracts herself from the pain that it all causes.


Remy didn't know what she was doing standing there in front of the mirror. She, of course, knew that she was making sure that she looked okay before she went out, but she didn't know what she was going out. 

She knew that she was bored at home and that she wanted to get lost in the ecstasy of alcohol and the company of someone else and maybe even ecstasy itself, but she knew that this all made her feel worse.

She went out anyway.

She drove to the closest bar and immediately went inside. The bar was crowded for a Thursday night; she didn't mind. When she reached the bar, she ordered scotch on the rocks and sat at one of the barstools. 

She scanned the room with her eyes, looking for her prey of the evening. She needed someone that might have some sort of drugs on them. In a bar like this, it was likely that almost everyone did.  
Sipping her drink and looking around the room, Remy continued to wonder why she had even bothered coming out.

She was broken and she knew that drugs, alcohol and meaningless sex wouldn't fix her. But it did provide a distraction. These days, it was either cutting or going out.

Both had their ups and downs in her mind. By the time she was on her second drink, she had picked someone out of the crowd.

A hot blonde was sitting at the other end of the bar, sipping a martini alone. Remy had seen her here before and she knew that she usually had some form of narcotics on her.

She ordered two martinis from the bartender then brought them both down to the woman.

"Hi," Remy said with a charming grin on her face. The blonde turned toward her and smiled upon seeing her. "I got you another one of what you're drinking. And myself one too," she continued with the same grin on her face then handed the glass to the woman. She gladly took it with a thanks then sipped from it. "I'm Remy, by the way."

"Meghan," the blonde said after taking another sip. Remy smirked a bit then sipped her own drink.

"Nice to meet you," she said, leaving that charming grin on her face. "So, after that drink, d'yah wanna dance?" she asked next, deciding not to waste any time with the woman.

"Sure," Meghan answered with a grin. The two ladies quickly finished their drinks then headed to the dance floor together.

They both quickly dissolved into the mass of other bodies. They dances and grinded close, sweating from the heat of the other bodies around them.

Sooner than later, Meghan pulled a plastic bag from her jeans pocket that contained a few tiny, white pills. Remy flashed Meghan a grin as she saw the bag come from her pocket. The blonde slipped one of the pills between their lips and swallowed the pill.

"You have to get this yourself," she said and put the next pill between her lips. Remy smirked and leaned closer to the woman; her hands were already on her hips. She put her lips on the other woman's and kissed her deeply, removing the pill from her teeth with her own tongue. Remy pulled away and swallowed the pill. The pair of them continued dancing.

After a couple songs, they felt the effects of the ecstasy on their bodies. Remy felt distracted and free from all her thoughts and worries.

This was exactly what she was looking for earlier, she knew she would regret it, but she needed it now.

After getting involved in each other's mouths toward the back of the club, Remy decided to bring the other woman back to her apartment. By this time, she couldn't even remember her name. But this was normal for her.

Remy barely remembered names unless the person really made an impression on her. Then blonde and the doctor kept them selves busy in the back of a cab as they were being driven to Remy's loft.

The cab driver got a treat from watching them both through the rear-view mirror. The women were too busy to notice or care.

Remy pulled the blonde into her home after they stumbled up the stairs to her floor. The brunette had the other woman pinned against her door as soon as they were inside.

She didn't seem to mind.

The blonde's shirt was off in a matter of seconds. Not wanting to waste any time, Remy pulled Meghan back to her bedroom and to the bed. The doctor climbed on top of the woman who was laying back on her bed.

Meghan pulled at Remy's shirt then removed it from over her head. She could barely see the cuts that were on Remy's stomach and her arms, but she could tell that they were there.

The blonde was a bit freaked out by the cuts and she was also a bit confused.

"What…what are those?" Meghan stopped Remy from kissing her and pushed her up.

"Huh?" Remy furrowed her brow at the woman below her. "What are you talking about?"

"Those…cuts," she answered and motioned her hand toward the brunette's stomach. Remy looked down at her stomach then swallowed thickly before wrapping her arms around herself.

"N-nothing," she said quickly then moved off Meghan, her arms still wrapped around the red, fresh cuts that stung upon remembering they were there. They blonde furrowed her brow in confusion then sat up.

"Did you do those to yourself?" she asked. Remy remained silent, looking away from the woman. "You did, didn't you?"

Remy sighed slightly then the blonde got up from the bed. She looked down at the brunette, half expecting her to say something about the cuts. Remy kept quite in shame. She just wanted her to leave now.

"You're a freak."

Remy shrunk at the sound of disgust in the other woman's voice.

Meghan strode from the room and quickly slipped on her shoes that were in the foyer of the apartment. She slammed the door when she left.

Remy slowly lied down on her bed and curled up. She was fighting back tears for the umpteenth time today. She didn't know why she ended up going out. It only led to more pain.

But maybe Remy liked the pain.

She stayed in bed for the remainder of the night. Feeling more broke, more alone, and more disgusted with herself then when she woke up this morning.


End file.
